Faux-Indigenous In The Holy Land

To Do List: For Faux-Indigenous Hasbarites Vacationing in Israel:

• Do hang out with privileged, self-important, white, anglo-ashkenazi olim. Eat indigenous foods on their dime and enjoy the creature comforts of their homes, while convincing yourself that you are seeing the real Israel.

• Do not visit orphanages, hospitals, or wounded soldiers with missing limbs! Do not assist in soup kitchens! Do not volunteer on a kibbutz or an army base or bring toys for kids in Sderot! Do not volunteer at all! Hang out with hasbarites, but do not join efforts to pick up garbage!

• Do bring your appetite and loose fitting clothes.

• Do mention the heroic things you do such as grilling steaks, touring, going to cafes and getting a Zionist appletini with a little umbrella.

• Do shop like a teenage schoolgirl.

• Do talk about going to the gay parade to appease your liberal friends, but don't actually go so as to not alienate those hasbarites with religious sensibilities. Pander to everyone.

• Do speak to small rooms of elderly people and gray heads about the importance of understanding their native selves. Make sure that photos of the event don't show empty seats or people chatting among themselves. You must be a formerly self-identifying Roman Catholic white person while saying this, or the chutzpah lacks the full effect.

• Do talk about the Zionist things you are doing on vacation and how important your work is. Because not everyone can tweet and blog about being in Israel, nor can most people summon the chutzpah to correct real Jews on Torah concepts.

• Do meet up with the principal Jewish players who bring evangelical missionaries to Israel. Hang out with Kay Wilson, but do not ask her about her long-documented (past?) history of being a messianic which she continues to deny. Truth isn't a priority. The garish spectacle of hasbara's image is the only relevant aspect to your trip.

• Do not mention that promised book about indigenous rights you raised over 21k on GoFundMe to write about. Naturally do not encourage any questions at all on this issue, particularly the following one: How can you continue your GoFundMe campaign when  it was started by your friend Kara Meyers who believes (contrary to you) that Arabs are indigenous? Do you now believe that Arabs are indigenous as well? If so, how can you reconcile Kara's beliefs, her support of your promised book, and your own contrary positions. When questioned, give vague answers about it being a work in progress, but a labor of love. Trail off....

Note: A message for Ryan Mervin Bellerose. Calling people a**hats or idiots or bloviating about your imagined intellect will not make unpleasant facts go away. Nor will attempts to portray yourself as native succeed for anyone who analyzes the facts. As one former patron of yours (the one you betrayed and unceremoniously threw under the bus for displaying a trait you lack,-loyalty!) recently inquired on Facebook (rather cryptically), "what is a half of a half?" Although the question perplexed many of her readers, enough understood the point. Answer: Certainly not an Indian. Ryan, stop lecturing Jews about identity and try to figure out who the hell you are. And for the record, since many people are unaware, there never was a Metis Indian tribe, Ryan. You are no more Indian than those you arrogantly lecture about identity. Heal thyself. Start off by calling out your own father for retaining a "colonial religion". Perhaps when he slaps you upside the head, you will attain clarity. No true Indian ever went to work for the Bnai Brith. Word to the wise: It doesn't get any whiter than Bnai Brith Canada.

What a hasbara clown! No wonder neither Native-Siberian Americans nor Metis activists have anything to do with him. Hypocrisy, thy true name is Mervin.